April 1, 2018 — Ladies and women, females and girls, get your typewriters and fountain pens ready because today marks a momentous occasion that will go down in history books for all of eternity. College Outside, the world-famous collegiate outdoor gear retailer, has officially disbanded all men’s gear on their website.
Why, might you ask? Feminism of course. In an exclusive interview with Sarah Lockwood, the one and only female founder said,”This is something we have put a lot of time and thought into. We think it is incredibly important for us to do our part in leveling the playing field for women, and this is just one small step towards equality.”
Since this small step is clearly in the right direction, the company urges other brands in the outdoor industry to quickly follow suit. College Outside can set a fantastic example for the future generations who are members of their now female and unisex only website, but they’ll need all the other companies to appeal to the older audiences.
“This is undoubtedly the best way to solve gender inequality in the outdoor industry, and honestly throughout the whole world. Men without clothes and gear can’t really do anything else, so it leaves the closet doors wide open for women to rise to power,” said Ronnie Eder, yet another woman in charge of something important at College Outside.
Men using the College Outside site may or may not be slightly annoyed with this turn of events, but don’t worry boys, College Outside has truly thought of everything. “Guys can simply wear a larger women’s size. Guaranteed you’ll rock a hot pink puffy jacket,” said Eder.
Today they lose their insulated ultra-light gore-tex climbing pants, tomorrow their domination.
Signing off on this lovely April Fool’s day, your female editor in chief.